jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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