Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
