Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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