I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize