his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
