My friends, they love my intelligence
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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