I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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