i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
