Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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