Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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