If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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