What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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