brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
