I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
