Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
