Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
