So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize