the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
