If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
