Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
