How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
