trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize