I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
