with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
