I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
