My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
