you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Sext me about skeletons
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
