Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
