Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish ðŸ€
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
