Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's rum buckets o'clock
how does that bad decision feel?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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