How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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