Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
