you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
