just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
