no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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