Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
