I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
