An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
