I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
