But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
