she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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