how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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