if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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