WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Pants are for mortals
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
