And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize