My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
it hurts more in the daytime
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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