mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
