Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
