well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
