So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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