Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
