i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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