It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
