I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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