Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
