I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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