After last night, I could never be a politician.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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