he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
