Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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