i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
