I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize